Toxic Mother- Figurative Loss

I say figurative because to be honest, I never had a mother in the first place. I have a biological mother.

My parents split up when i was 2.5 years old. So I don’t remember the happy times, although I was told they were happy at some point. From that age until I was about 7 I saw my mother maybe 10 times, and that is being generous with that number.

There were lots of calls and no shows form her. I can remember being actually mad at her. Never hurt, but mad. At such a young age I think I just understood the type of person she was.

When I got older, and my dad passed away I remember the phone call where Rhonda told her he had died. You would think, a mother would give a shit about her kid… at least ask how she is right? But nope- not her. Instead it was about how sad she was and how she loved him still and oh my god… blahhh blahhh blah. Such bull shit. Fake emotions, because when you love someone you don’t beat them up.

I was 10 and I remember being overly pissed off at her, and saying I disown her as my mother, that she simply was the one that gave birth to me nothing more. At age 14, I lost my dad and that feeling was renewed. I had no parents.

This really is not a rant post, more of the toxic mother/ parent, and why its not worth your time caring.

At age 19, I reached out to her after finding my siblings. I thought maybe she grew up since I did.. I was wrong. Everything was always about her. Come to find out, she never seemed to consider me her kid anyway. I tried to keep it brief and simple with her. Which I did. Then I got pregnant, I knew I didnt want to tell her because in ,y ,in my mind she had no right to know she had a grand child coming.

I stopped talking to her one night after she told me she loved me. It didn’t sit well with me. Like clearly she doesn’t know what love is. What is shitty, is my older sister has a relationship with her even after all the bullshit Our bio mother has done to her. I wish everyone saw Leslie for what she is instead of feeling sorry for her.

No mother just walks out of a courtroom and gives up her kids without a fight. She chose not to raise us or care. I finally came to terms with that in my twenties. Not long ago, she told me goodbye because she couldn’t accept the abuse and pain any longer. My immediate reaction was like what pain and abuse? Im not the one who abandoned you…

Needless to say- I get what its like to have that toxic parent. I’m here to say you owe them NOTHING. Not a damn thing. You didn’t control the situations as a child. they did. Never let them guilt you into feeling bad for what you say to them. Say your peace, tell them how they have made you feel and move on.

I promise, you don’t deserve to feel like shit because of a shitty parent who wasn’t there. I wasted my time trying to make a relationship out of air. Don’t do that to yourself.

Having a toxic parent can make you feel bad. Like everything is your fault, but really… its not you- its them. They are the problem. They are the shitty person, the shit parent. Please don’t waste that time and energy on them.

Get out, get away and live your life. I was so blessed to not be raised by her. I know others are not that lucky. You may not be able to reverse the damage but you can move past it. You can be better than them.

I’m so glad my children don’t know her or know the pain of having someone in amd out of their lives.

I feel bad my sister has let that happen, but if they all get along then who am I to say anything right?

Toxic parents turn into simply toxic people. You owe nothing to them, and need them not.

You deserve to be happy. Leave the toxic shit behind.