Stay Home Mom Life

Hey Guys, it’s been awhile. A few quick notes, site has been revamped some. A sale is going on currently until this COVID-19 thing is over and I have a few new products to launch hopefully in the coming weeks. All that said, let’s jump into today’s topic; the infamous stay at mom life.

First off, I just want to say no matter what, Mom life is rough. You are shamed for every damn choice you make or don’t make. Working mom life is hard too, I’ve done it but today I want to focus on staying home life.

Ive been a mom for 4 years. Worked the first 2 years of that and now, I stay at home.

I learned a few tips I want to share. Hopefully it will ease some stress and assist a new mom or new to staying home momma.

First off- Schedules. Now, honestly I’m not all gung-ho but I’ve found that a semi structure works best for my home. Some houses may need a structure much more rigid. Which is totally fine! By schedule I mean,

-wake up and bed times are the same 7 days a week.

-3 meeals a day with snack times roughly the same.

-nap time the same 7 dyas a week and for my oldest is quiet time in his room.

-Im working to Incorporate activity times, but thats a tough one LOL.

-Take time for yourself. Early in the morning or later at night.

-ALWAYS HAVE ACTIVITIES ON HAND. The dollar tree- dollar stores are great for this. Even the Target dollar spot too.

Self care is vastly important to anyone and everyone. It can help “fill up your cup”, give you a fresh restart, calm you down, and help with being touched out.

Simple things like waking up earlier than your kids to have coffee alone to taking a bath late at night to a quick face mask… it all counts. If you are the lucky ones that have sitters available- DO NOT FEEL GUILTY over leaving for a few hours to refresh yourself. You deserve it.

How do you survive the day to day life at home? Let me know in the comments!

Stress Management Tips

1. Do you notice you get stressed before during or after a certain activity or responsibilities or even around certain people? Pay attention to you feelings, they are insight for a reason.

2. Identify what is causing the stress. Maybe loading up the housework all in one day is too much. Maybe certain people cause you stress. Come up with a gameplan. Maybe make a schedule for cleaning your home or taking care of daily responsibilities. Cut out people,places and activities that make induce stress or even anxiety.

3. Be mindful. Mindfulness can be eating right, making the choice to have a good day, to your reactions when shit hits the fan. Mindful of yourself, surroundings and actions.

4. Physical activity has been shown to lower stress. It may not be for all, but I suggest taking a walk and see how that helps you.

5. Five deep slow breathes. Inhale slow, exhale slow. Lower your heart rate, gives you a moment to calm down and step back from the situation.

Visit our shop to pick up self care goodies! Just click “shop goddess” in the menu.

aNXiEty

Anxiety: Is literally different for every person. Yes, The “signs and symptoms” may be theoretically the same or follow a pattern for diagnosis but each person is still different.

Google Definition of Anxiety:  “A feeling of apprehension and fear, characterized by physical symptoms such as palpitations, sweating, and feelings of stress. “

Mayo Clinics Web Page : https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961

If you are a female, and have had a baby or plan to have one- you may be familiar with Post-Partum Anxiety. It is anxiety, but typically ends up going away.

My anxiety is complex. I have >ticks<. Those ticks have been around for a long time but I have actually just discovered them, and knowingly started paying attention to them. My anxiety stems from childhood issues and experiences I have had in my adult years.

I don’t just become anxious, or hyper vigilant… I become paranoid. My ticks became prevalent, and I can’t stop them. My sleep is affected, My mood, my entire life gets engulfed in these hours to weeks worth of what ever the hell it is.

So, Why write this exactly? Well, I think it’s really important for people to understand that Mental Illness is not the same for everyone. That anxiety is not the same for every person.

Some calming Tips and Tricks:

For me, writing down whatever my brain is saying, even if it doesn’t make sense. Deep breathing helps along with soft chest taps. I know for some people, its simply listening to a certain song, or reading a quote.

For a more severe anxiety episode: go to a quiet space, get some water, cool off… deep breaths and try to clear your mind.

Chamomile tea and lavender teas are great for relaxing and calming yourself.

Practice Mindfulness. You are not being a control freak by having a plan. Especially if you are like me and new places, lots of people, public… can create issues for you.

Try yoga, or meditation: nightly meditation is a great way to get rid of the anxiety from the day and morning meditation is a great way to start your day and be stronger than your anxiety.

I would love to hear from you if you deal with anxiety, Id love to chat and bounce some calming ideas between us. So please Email me or Click on the contact form in the menu!

Im not an expert. I just deal with this basically daily. Now, looking back… I’ve delt with it for almost 10 years. I hope this sheds some light for anyone who isn’t familiar with anxiety.

Therapy Research

I know I have visited this topic in the past but after some time, I really wanted to do an “update” of sorts.

I have been contacted by an awesome researcher and I’d like to share the information with all you. I’d also like to share a quick backstory of myself.

First, for anyone who many not know- I am a mother of 2 toddler boys, roughly 17 months apart. With my first son I don’t believe I had ppd or ppa out side the normal sadness to leave my baby for work. However, when I had my second son… oh boy- depression and anxiety set in and bad. Two years later and almost a year into therapy I’ve realized that although I do have some past issues that contribute to depression… I still deal with that lovely PPD AND PPA.

Did you know that 1 out of 7 woman suffer from postpartum depression? Did you know 70% to 80% of woman will experience some form of baby blues. When we include woman who have miscarried or have experienced a still birth, around 900,000 woman suffer from postpartum depression annually. If you already suffer from anxiety or depression then you are 10-50% higher in risk of suffering from postpartum depression.

I have friends I have seen go from fun loving women to a ball of depression after their child was born. It is more common that most may think.

Joey, has sent me some information I’d like to share.

“The team and I understood that while this kind of help might not be for everyone, it is still an important resource for those out there seeking self-help.

For this reason, we created this guide: https://www.consumersadvocate.org/online-therapy

Within the guide, you can find a comparison of 19 different online therapy apps and our unique experiences with each of them. We compared the apps’ affordability, usability, and looked into the actual certifications of their therapists.”

After looking over the provided link above here’s my thoughts-

This is certainly not for every woman. However, it does highlight lots of helpful info, that even though it may not be for you it may help your best friend. There is no such thing as too many resources. If you do see that you need some extra help, but may not know what to look for… the guide does highlight tips as well. Feel free to let me know what you think as well!

A reminder…

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Do you ever just sit back and think about other peoples life?

I don’t mean like the answer to what is life, I mean more of what is going on beyond you and your own world. Every persons day to day life seems similar and they may be yet everyone is fighting their own battle every second of the day.

Some people deal with mental health issues while you have people battling physical things like cancers or Parkinsons. Someone is mourning the loss of a parent and the person next to them never knew theirs. In the car over there is a person mourning a loss of a baby and someone somewhere mourning the loss of a baby shes is unable to even concieve.

Do you know all this? Yes, I’m sure you do. So, why am I spelling it all out????

Because I think at times we all need that reminder. A reminder that people mourn differently. We all deal with the same situation differently. While I may still have trouble mentally accepting I had a miscarriage, other may have came to terms with theirs. I’m just now mourning my father who I lost 11 years ago. Every single person has a battle in their closet. So be nice. Be patient, because you never know when a death anniversary is. You never know how hard a day or month is for someone.

Don’t be a pin in someones bad day. Be the smile that helped them keep going. Be the “good morning” that helped them smile.

Be a good human, be good to other humans.

It takes strength to be kind; it’s not a weakness.” –Daniel Lubetzky

Its okay To not Be OKAY

Mental Health, physical health, and everything in between can be a struggle. I’m here to let you know that you are NOT alone.

Every day is a new day to wake up and face the world and your own battles. No matter where in journey you are, you are doing amazing.

Its okay to need to sleep extra hours.

Its okay to feel sad and watch sad movies and have a crying fest.

It is okay to no be happy and smiling all the time.

ITS NOT OKAY TO WANT TO HARM YOURSELF OR OTHERS. RED FLAG, MEDICAL ATTENTION IS NEEDED.

Its okay to say no, and give you time for you. That includes getting a babysitter so you can shower or nap. That includes space from your spouse – go to the store alone.

It is okay to feel like shit one day and be happy the next.

Its not okay to ignore all this, because going to therapy or getting on medication is OKAY.

Smoking pot is okay, it helps with anxiety and depression- make sure its legal for your state!

Its okay to need a damn break from your children. Its rough being a parent.

ITS OKAY TO HAVE FEELINGS, TO BE DEPRESSED AND HAVE ANXIETY. AND IT IS OKAY TO TAKE STEPS TO HELP THAT PART OF YOUR LIFE. DO NOT BE ASHAMED. JUST KNOW, ITS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

Military & Motherhood PT.2

Hello and Good afternoon! Today’s military and motherhood blog is a blurb form multiple women and their take on this life style. Please note, names have been changed.

“no one cares, you are out there on your own”- Kate M.

” You better find and know all the instructions, better to just keep them with you because the commands don’t care. You have to protect yourself.” Meliisa F.

“inconsistencies between pregnancy commands. Since nothing is written in black and white, there’s some commands who really do let moms use the year of baby bonding to its full potential (while still working of course) and some who just don’t give a shit.” Whitney R.

“Being an active military first time mom myself with a deployed spouse. We’re expected to be a fighter and be the head of the house hold!” Kay W.

“My advice is to definitely know your regs for pregnancy and motherhood. My first baby I had no clue about a lot of the things you have the right to and I expected my command to know the rules and abide by them. I was in a generator shop throughout my pregnancy and I didnt find out until after that according to the Idustrial Hygiene survey that I shouldn’t be in there while pregnant due to noise hazards. I did my first PRT back exactly 6 months after my c section because my command didnt read the instruction correctly and I almost failed because I didnt know that I didnt have to take it until the following cycle. All the stress of that made my milk supply drop and I quit breastfeeding early because of that and them not accommodating a space at work for me to pump and expecting me to use the head. Dont expect people to fight for you, read everything you can on regs.” Julia P.

“Ppd can start before you have your baby. Talk with youre doctor about, look up the signs and symptoms. Know that body changes happen, and are to be expected. But pain happens too. Back, pelvic, hips… belly bands can help, youre boobs will continue to grow, dont freek out when they/if they leak while pregnant.
Just because youre in the military doesnt mean anything. Print out the instructions on limited work hours, soft shoe chits everything.
” Alex H.

 “Put your foot down with your command when it comes to your children. They aren’t going to care if you’re sick or your kids are sick. Stand up for yourself in a respectful way when it comes to taking care of your needs… and practice while your pregnant!” Kerri A .

I don’t know how to make it clearer about how hard it is being pregnant or a mom in the military. No one cares, no on e stands up for you. We have to bare the weight of the duty and motherhood. Not one person asked how I was doing after either child. No one asked to help or if I needed anything, and every single person knew I was along with my first son.

With Active Duty having such high suicide rates and veterans the same, I would think they would tale mental health more serious yet, they do not.

I hope this give you a bit of insight as to what military and motherhood is like.

Navy Motherhood- Pt. 1

Hi everyone! This is the first installment of my military and motherhood series I will be doing for roughly a week or so.

This story is that of a Navy woman. Her pregnancy, and birth and dealing with the command she was stationed at. For safety reason, names, dates and commands have been changed. This is in no way meant to simply “hate” on the military, it is to bring light to this chapter of serving that many have no clue about.

” I had taken two weeks of leave to go see my then boyfriend and we decided to get married like a week or two before that. I was set to go on deployment. Had everything ready and planned out. We got married and he moved back to Ca (he had just gotten out of the Marines and moved home to Ohio). Not even a week after we were married I found out I was pregnant with our first. I was 19 almost 20 and had no family or support. All my friends were leaving on deployment. He had no job and we literally had no money to even pay our first months rent. We were in no place to be having a baby. But we did! I told my chain of command on the ship that I was pregnant and I was devastated to be missing deployment and my friends. I told them I wasn’t capable of taking care of a baby due to financial issues etc. they blew me off and made me feel like i was stupid young and doing it just to get out of deployment. They knew how badly i wanted to go on deployment and how hard I had worked to be where I was. But because I was 19 and got pregnant right before deployment I automatically did it on purpose. I was hurt. My friends turned their backs on me. My mentor decided that they “couldn’t “ mentor me anymore because of it. I lost everyone on my side. All I had left was my brand new husband. (Tbh we were only dating for 6 months before we got married). It was rough. I was on beach det for about 2 months before I got orders. When I finally transferred, I was too pregnant to fit into my regular dress uniform and my MC at the time in charge of beach det told me not to worry about transferring my dress uniform because I was pregnant. Got ro my new command and was checking in and people miss treated me again because I was pregnant young and not in the proper uniform. I was set up for failure. I went to my command on SD and they treated all of the pregnant people like shit. They played favorites. This may sound racist, but I promise you, I don’t mean for it to be, but if you weren’t black, you weren’t one of the favorites. The entire COC was black. I was told because I was the least pregnant (by 4 days) that I had to walk everywhere. Wasn’t allowed in the duty van wasn’t allowed to drive my POV. Etc. I eventually said Fuck it and filed a complaint along with a few other moms and we were moved to the chapel or security admin. When I moved to the chapel everything changed. I was allowed to go to my appointments. I was allowed to get food if i needed , I was treated as a human and respected. They cared about me as far as work went. When It came to help with resources or preparing me for the new chapter closely approaching, no one helped me. I felt i was alone all over again. I struggled massively with prenatal depression and anxiety. People were calling and texting me from my old command saying i was a whore and my baby was so and sos kid from the ship because thats what my best friend had told them. I came back from maternity leave and everything changed. Everyone treated me like shit. We still hadn’t been accepted into a military daycare, and couldn’t afford daycare in other places. So my husband had to quit his good paying job to stay home with her. We moved into military housing when she was 6months old and we started struggling financially. We found a daycare but she mistreated my baby. At this point my PPD and PPA were so bad I thought about going UA and abandon my family. They would be better off without me. My family had nothing good to say and were very unsupportive and work was constantly talking shit about me (I didn’t deserve to be a mother, how can I raise a baby when I’m an immature bitch, etc) I complained multiple times to my higher ups and nothing was done. They always spun it around and made me the bad guy. Multiple counselings and negative reports. I was done. I also missed out on looking for my orders because no one explained to me what to do or anything. I had no idea until my former LPO emailed me and asked me how i was doing and when I was up for orders etc. my detailer never returned phone calls or emails so I never got to do anything. Was given orders back to the same ship I had left. When I was in the process of checking out, I found out i was pregnant again. I was degraded even more because of it. I was stupid for having 2 babies so close together. More hurtful comments came my way. My second classes would get together and belittle and make rude comments at me. They would go put of there way to ignore me and make me feel bad. When my oldest started a new daycare about a month after I found out about my second, My husband started a job where his hours were 7-330 so he couldn’t take her to school, I had to. I got permission (verbal) from my Lt and Cdr that I was allotted 15 minutes to drop her off and get to work (daycare was a few miles down the road and I was supposed to be at work at 730). I had until 745 to get to work. My second classes had a problem with it and would always make comments about how I was a sneaky Bitch etc. how i never wanted to work and never did anything. When evals came out and my CoC gave me the only EP for the department, everyone told me I was sleeping with the right person and I definitely didn’t deserve the EP. my depression was at an all time low and i tried to talk to my CoC about it. Nothing. I tried to ask for help and they failed me. I was miserable. To the point I was having a break down/anxiety attack every morning scared of what they would say do to me that day. I was miserable. My husband new this. Finally i confided in my OB that I needed more help than just a therapist. I needed medicine or something. I was put on medicine and I felt a million times better but i couldnt take my anxiety meds religiously because it was going to affect my baby. It was hard. But tgis time around I knew about resources i needed in order to succeed with my pregnancy and pp. i was determined to get all the help I could and use all the resources I had. And I have. Life is soo much better this time round.

As far as being a mom in the military, i hated that I had to be told I had to deliver at Balboa. I had a really horrible experience (in my eyes). They mistreated me. Wanted everything done on their schedule and not when my baby or body was ready. My daughter pooped inside and they didnt seem to care or make an effort to make sure she was ok. I tried breastfeeding and was told by the midwives there and the corpsmen that i shouldnt bother because I had flat nipples. It was pointless to even make the effort. I ended up giving up at 6 weeks when she was 99% on formula. I HATED balboa and was terrified to deliver my second there. When it got closer to my 2nds due date, I again was having issues with preterm labor and contractions. They didn’t believe me and said that I was being dramatic and it was just braxton hicks. I demanded to be induced (as I had High blood pressure the entire pregnancy as well). They agreed. I was given a date and time I called like i was supposed to, and they said that i was misinformed and was scheduled for the next morning. Cool. Totally ok with that too. But i was MISERABLE. In so much pain couldnt sleep or hardly walk. I called the next morning and they said i had to be pushed back. I was pushed back 3 times before I called them and said I need this baby out and they sent me to P. I was already 90% effaced and 4cm dilated. So i really was on labor but they didn’t believe me . Camp P treated me sooo much better it was amazing! I had the greatest team who genuinely cared and listened to my concerns and made every effort to take care of me and my baby! Her delivery was really rough but they were there by my side the entire time and made sure I knew they cared and were going to do everything they could to help both her and I. It was such a 180 from Balboa.

As far as being a mom, I cant handle the stress, anxiety, and separation from my babies. I pick them up from daycare and they show me all the knew things they learned, my oldest is talking more and learned so many things that I wish i was able to teach her. Potty training is extremely difficult. My new baby (4m old) just grows and grows while Im gone. I hate how I moss soo much of their lives because of the military and can’t imagine how moms who deploy do it! I hate going 24 hours without my kids, not to mention 8 months! Plus the childcare situation for civilian/ad couples is shit. I have to pay $2k a month for my girls to be in a daycare full time because we kept getting pushed back on the list for CDC/CDHs. There is little to no support for us as far as daycare goes. Its expensive and it sucks. If you want good care,you pay $2k+ a month. It’s extremely competitive as well. It’s extremely difficult. I cant wait for Feb 2021 to get out and stay home with my babies.

Over all my biggest issue is that other moms aren’t supportive of new moms. We need to look out more for each other and help each other out. Share resources both kid related or career related. I’ve come across many mew moms while at my current command and NONE of them have had much help in any way. So any time i find resources or any knowledge i learned throughout, i share. I dont want new moms to struggle and hurt the way I did with my babies.”

“Advice for new moms: ASK about anything and everything. Take advantage of EVERY resource given even if you don’t think you will use/need it, do it!! Always always ask. And always share things you have learned/picked up along the way with other moms. It truly is a blessing. Also start looking for daycares before your baby is even born. Both civilian and military.”

That’s her story. No bashing, no rude comments. This is not unusual behavior from what I’ve seen. Pregnant girls get treated one of two ways- great or like shit. As you can see, she had zero support form her Chain of Command. When she let them know she needed help she met met with rude comments and judgement instead of resources to help her in her situation. Im happy her second time around has been different and met with help, instead of the judgement like the first time. Please take note, not one person cared about her mental health.

POV- bvasically a car that a sailor owns

COC- chain of command

lpo- is our boss

EP- the highest grade on our evaluation we can get

detailer- the person who assigns us our orders, not all of them are great.

Navy & Motherhood Intro

I cant speak for the other branches, but Im sure its just as hard as the Navy. I know pregnancy and birth and parenthood is rough no matter what your job is, but i feel its especially difficult while in the military. Some, like myself are very lucky to not deploy after we have our kids while others deploy 12 months after.

So, whats it like being a mom in the Navy?

Lets start off with the beginning- you dont pick your OBGYN, they are picked for you. You can request, and ask for a new one but chances are you wont get what you want. You dont pick the hospital- that is determined by the navy as well. Im sure we have had sailors do home births or water births but its unlikely, and you probably have to have permission. If you have a normal pregnancy you will most likely see a midwife, if you are like me and have very crappy , high risk pregnancies then you are stuck seeing an OB for every appointment.

You dont get much say. I didn’t want the flu shot while pregnant (personal choice) and I was forced into getting it. I knew with my second baby I wanted my tubes tied, but I had to have my husband consent.

Yes, we do get rather nice maternity leave. When I had my first son it was basically 16-18 weeks depending on the command. It was great especially since I had had a c-section. When I had my second son, it had been changed to 12 weeks. Which yes, is great but it sucked not being home the same amount of time. But that is the military- changes in a blink of the eye. 84 days is given to you by the hospital for recovery time. The rest of the time is not a guarantee because it comes from your command. It can be denied and given to you to take any time before your child is one. Nothing in the military is a guarantee, ever.

You are shore duty for 12months after child birth for bonding time, after those 12 months many return to sea duty…

I was blessed that my kids came when they did. Everything lined up for me to not return to sea duty. Still its rough. You child is sick or the daycare is closed, you better figure it out. Most of the time the commands and chain of command don’t care. You belong to the military not yourself or family. The job comes first.

Over the next few days I will be posting stories from Military and Veteran Mothers.

This is something close to my heart, and i hope you enjoy learning our struggles or more about how it worked in the service.