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I was 14

I was 14.

I was 14 when I walked in and found my father dead in his bed.

I was 14 when my world changed forever.

I was 14 when I gave up God. I was 14 when I realized I had basically no one in my corner anymore.

I was a child. I not only lost my dad, my only parent. But I was a child and found my dad dead.

You see lots of people lose their parents, even when they are still a child. Some handle it well other do not.

The one thing that is important hereYOU DO NOT GET TO DECIDED HOW A TRAUMA IMPACTS SOMEONE ELSE. YOU DO NOT GET TO DECIDE WHEN A PERSON SHOULD MOVE ON OR GET OVER THAT LOSS BECAUSE OTHERS DEAL WITH IT TOO.

They will handle it when the time comes. I am now 25 and just in the last year began to process it all. That is eleven years for me.

11.

Let that sink in.

Mental Health & Marriage

First off- Marriage itself is hard. You take two people and mash them together, flaws and all.

Being in a relationship or marriage with someone with any type of Mental health issue changes the ball game some. Mood swings, depression, anxiety… and all the things that come with each different issue.

For myself, I get anxiety when my husband travels. Its gotten to the point of peeling my nails til they bleed. I wouldn’t even notice until the blood shows. I hate to leave the house while he is gone, it wrecks my nerves. I’m not sure where it comes from but I simply blame Anxiety. My lovely depression likes to come at the worst times. It places strain on our marriage, well it did for a long time.

How can someone be happy one second and completely depressed the next? Battles of the smallest things happened. It was rough. It was not my fault. Its not your fault. Mental health is a beast, and it shows its face at any time it wishes too. Learning to be married while dealing with mental health issues is a battle, but once you start to figure it out, life gets easier.

Not everyone can handle it. No day is ever the same, as no depression is the same. Its tough and not everyone is cut out for this type of life. Don’t expect support from everyone, its a beautiful thing when the love of your life does support you though.

So, what are my tips for all this? Honeslty its simple yet not…

*Take time to talk. Communicate. When you feel like you’re falling, tell you significant other. Let them know what you need. It may be a hug or some space. I know I need both when I’m depressed. It can be hard to break down your walls, but in the end it is so worth it.

*Work with each other. Both of you may need support while navigating all this. Especially if it is newer territory. Mental Health can be a slippery slope, don’t let it control you or the marriage. However, couples therapy may be of benefit. Writing to each other may help if talking face to face is difficult.

*Don’t forget self acceptance. Accept and love yourself, so your loved one can too. In some ways, everyone deals with something. It’s just some of us deal with it differently.

*When you are having a good time, show it, express it. Don’t forget to appreciate your significant other. They may be struggling too.

Now for those that are not dealing with mental health, but with some one that is-

*Communicate. Ask how you can help.

*Show you are there, leave love notes. Tell them you are there for them.

*Accept that you made need to give more space. It can be rough, but some days may be harder than others.

*Seek therapy if you think it could help you understand your loved one. Or even if you think couples therapy could help you both work through the harder times.

I hope this helps someone out there. By no means am I perfect nor is my marriage. But I can say these things have helped my husband and I during my journey.